I had a benzo buddy say this to me the other day. Yesterday I wanted to curl up in a ball and just say "please please please help me". I felt small and desperate. I felt alone and on an endless road. Today is so different. What changed?
My friend said to me, "Look, we are all on this rollercoaster but you refuse to SIT DOWN". We started laughing. I am a go-getter. I am driven. I go-go go, walk, exercise, work like a fiend and love hard. But I have to say, my drive, my will on a bad day can barely fight this. I made the stupid mistake of going cold turkey (well, it took weeks to realize it was withdrawal, I thought I was dying) and tried to tough it out. Wrong move. This is a time when my go-getter attitude, my can-do willpower was NOT the right move. I did more damage. But here I am, and on a bad day, I just think, oh my god, this is ruining the last two-three years of my and my children's life and I am not even off the poison yet. And yet, I won't sit down. Is it better to stop working? I think I will know when and if that time comes, I will have to turn things over and say, yes, I am powerless and my life has become unmanageable. Today feels better. I went to work. I helped an acquaintance who talked about their son being on klonopin realize that their son wasn't FIXED and in fact let them know the urgency of them getting off slowly. Doctors need to understand this in a very big way.
So, ok, that's my rant.
Taking it one day at a time.
For some, staying indoors and quitting work is the right thing, for others, we cannot do that and work provides a temporary distraction. We don't know what our unique brain chemistry will do. We can only hope for the best and sit down on the rollercoaster and buckle up.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.