Dare I say it?

A brief window today. Again, I am still on meds so I don't know if this terminology applies but... I went on a walk. I cleaned, as usual. Stayed home mainly.

I texted with a benzo friend who put it 1000 percent right. This is prison life. Survival. Get up, take your meds, taper, go outside if you can, and stay out of trouble.

Prison life. Except the prison is our bodies and minds.  Every thought, every interaction, every appointment, every breath needs to be thought out.

Is this good for my recovery?

That is the question we need to ask ourselves with each thing we do.
And sometimes we don't know until we try and fail.

Now I think I know my limits. Basically stay indoors. Rest. Don't worry about what time you get up, if you aren't sleeping at all then that's not an issue. Taper safely. Protect yourself and your noggin. It may be that others could 'get away' with doing things faster. I am frying inside and I know without a doubt I am in for the fight of my life. I can feel the pure damage inside my CNS every moment of every day. The burning, terror, akathisia all of it. I pray that this level of nerve damage can one day heal? I really don't know.

And today, a window, believe me it's not like my symptoms are gone. I can go on a walk though and for that I am grateful. I did some stretching on my floor and cleaned my counters. I will try to do a resting meditation.

I will try to accept my symptoms as they arise and show up. Don't let them scare you or they win.

Remember that now isn't the time for big decisions, arguments, signing contracts, nothing. It's hard enough for me to pay my bills and I can barely do that. This is a time to protect your cns and your brain like your life depends on it. Because it does.