When the body says NO

My body is saying NO. I had a conversation with someone the other day that stuck with me. He said he felt I should let everything go now or else 3 years from now I could be in a worse position. Everyone says work is a good distraction. Some days it is, but I prefer peace and quiet at the moment. Days to be on my own and heal and take care of myself. I don't have that luxury at the moment to do that, but I am not sure if I am making a bad decision by keeping my life going.  The question is should I let everything just GO right now, just surrender or keep going, taking care of others and being concerned about my responsibilities. I mean if I had a trust fund, believe me I would quit work tomorrow and take a month long retreat on an island. The problem is in benzo w/d there is no escaping or knowing when it will hit harder than other times. Some days are ok and others tense. I know that the stress response can turn on with just a THOUGHT. A powerful thought. like am I in the right marriage? Am I going to die can send me shaking for hours.

​My body has been saying NO for the last 3 years. With a full time business, two kids, sleepless nights, pouring more and more responsibility on top of responsibility my body broke. I know joy, fun and love is the answer. Somewhere somehow I hope I am getting close to that.
​I don't want to end up in an obituary in Gabor Mate's speech, I know that much.
​Trying to find balance.
​I did yoga today, hatha yoga. Normally the kind of yoga that my Type A personality would shun and complain about.. it's not hardcore enough, I am not getting fit enough, I am wasting an hour, getting angry etc etc..I am not getting that tight ass I want... You know what? This experience is stripping me to my essentials because I could care less about any of that...

​Today it felt just right,

I was glad I could be still somewhat in class. My body is burning again but I am going to choose to ignore it. The depressive feelings are quite intense and I just want to curl up in a ball and be alone.  I hope everyone is hanging in there. This blog sounds quite desperate because I think in benzo w/d it makes you feel quite desperate. Like a quivering mess. Healing is happening each and every day....