What were you doing before Benzodiazepines?

What was your life like before benzodiazepines? Who were you in the world? What was going on? This is a wonderful, honest, heart wrenching yet validating video depicting the many faces of people damaged by prescription medication. Again, it's astounding to hear that people's military service abroad, the death of their first child and many other tragedies were easier to bear than benzo withdrawal. Yes folks, for some this is true.
I want to be positive, to think I won't have protracted withdrawal, but the truth is, I already had it BEFORE my taper. I just have to believe I am going to be guided and helped along this path.
The other day I bought Doreen Virtue's angel cards for fun and decided to pull a thread of 3 cards. The left signifying the past, the middle signifying the present and the right card signifying the future.
The future. Oh, my future. What will that be like? Who will I be? How will I feel? When will this be over? 
The final card I pulled is the Ten of Thought. It says " A situation that has been troubling you has now come to an end..you can breathe a sigh of relief, with the challenges behind you, you can now move on....It is important to fully let go at this junction....Someone in your life may now finally be free of addictions or codependency issues". 
Ha! Love it. I don't know what to believe with these cards but it is a source of comfort and fun for me.
I peeked into the future and thought... oh... give me ME back again. Where did I go? When will this come to pass...

In the meantime, I have to keep showing up for the day, keep tapering, keep meditating, keep parenting to the best of my ability.
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The other day when I spoke with my son about someone who was losing their temper often he looked at me and said "Well, are they trying to change?" And I said, " I really don't know", He knowingly said, " Well, they need to at least try".
I think my older son feels my love, he feels that I am trying, he feels it even though I am so limited and barren right now.  We are all just trying, trying trying.... that is the best that we can do.