Unpredictability

This process is so unpredictable. Today I am savoring a good day. Yesterday I was wincing in pain -all my nerves in my chest were on fire, the burning and pain/chemical anxiety was almost unbearable. God, so so painful. I just prayed and prayed for the day to end. And it did. It seems I have one good day, followed by a brutal day. Emotions play a major role in symptom flare ups and so do hormones, at least for me.​
Some tips:
Drink Cherry Tart juice--it helps with sleep!!
On a bad day just breathe and tell yourself this too shall pass. It does.
Keep your eye on the target---being benzo free.
Distract with good conversation, and people who get it. It helps to feel gotten and understood during this process. 
Curl up with a book when all else fails
Meditate meditate meditate
Pray Pray Pray
Just focus on the next thing in front of you
Try not to catastrophize but also plan ahead if you need to take time off, or complete some business
I am planning to take off work for some time to heal, I may need it, I may not.
What is the lesson here for you? 
Stay connected to spirituality if that resonates with you.

Two doctors told me I was the .05 percent. One said I needed something to reset my neurotransmitters, the other told me to just go to detox because this taper business was not working. I am a part of the fucked up bunch that has a crazy reaction to a small amount of this poison. One looked at me and said, "this is not your fault, you need to know that". Ok, maybe so, but it's definitely a shit show. I listened to stupid advice and was desperate for sleep. I took a poison with an already fragile nervous system. I cold turkeyed and fast tapered. Here I am. No sense in reliving it but this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

​Harder than 8 years of pain...
Harder than childbirth...

​And yet today I am having a good day. So grateful. I will never take for granted another 'good day'. A day that feels somewhat peaceful. I spent time with my kids and did my nails. I read. I worked. I am doing the Ashok Gupta retraining program later tonight.

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