Benzo breakthrough
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Resources

Trial and Terror

3/30/2018

0 Comments

 
TERROR
So much terror.
Someone asked me --what do you mean by terror?
I'm not sure how to describe it but it feels other worldy.
I can't say that I have experienced chemical terror before akathisia and drug withdrawal. 
Anxiety? Sure.  Worry? Of course.
But this?
Someone commented that my voice sounds good.
I don't know how to describe the skill that I have perfected which is probably called disassociation. I have mastered the art of completely leaving my body. 
I am not my body. 
I am not my symptoms.
I am me, my soul is still in here somewhere. 

I spent last night watching part of the Gary Shandling HBO special--a documentary about his life, struggle, comedy, self realization, acceptance etc.  Although I was not able to watch the whole thing, I highly recommend it.
By the way, xanax was in Gary's system during his death.

Of course it was.

The world, psychiatry and the medical establishment will soon understand this harm sooner than later. Maybe there will even be justice. Empathy. No more gas lighting. 

Anyway, sorry to digress.

Gary struggled with grief and worry and self consciousness and perfectionism his whole life but he had a commitment to self growth and growing consciousness.
He would write in these journals and coach himself on letting go of worry.
"Just be Gary"
"Just be yourself" he'd write in his journal. 

That's all we can be,
Our authentic selves.

If we are housebound, stuck on our couch, unable to socialize, eat, function, parent, work, drive walk, exercise, think, laugh, cry, this is it and hopefully with a higher power's help we can hold on until the sun shines again.
​
Hold on until the sun shines again and until then, be you, be exactly where you're at. 
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others.  This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.

    Archives

    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016

    Categories

    All
    AKATHISIA
    Beauty
    BENZO BUDDIES
    Benzo Withdrawal
    DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
    Death
    Distraction
    Dopamine Rush
    EXERCISE
    FAMILY
    FUN
    GRATITUDE
    HEALING
    HELP
    Isolation
    Kundalini Awakening
    LAUGHTER
    Life
    LONELINESS
    Neural Retraining
    NUTRITION
    Parenting
    Positivity
    Recovery
    Relationships
    RETRAINING THE BRAIN
    TRAUMA
    Travel

    RSS Feed