I haven't checked this site in the last month and I just read the comment below. Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. I believe you.
WE BELIEVE YOU.
It's still stuns me that no one believes this.
I don't know why, but it does.
Are there thousands of us online and at home that went from young (ok I'm not so young) and healthy and fit to bedridden writhing in pain?
Do we belong in a psych ward because we have a central nervous system injury?
Would they lock someone up who had MS or Parkison's? Then what the actual fuck is going on.
For those reading that want more support there is a Living with Akathisia fb group and also many benzo groups on fb not to mention benzo buddies. There is also a neurotoxicity group on fb and personally I think I am going through neurotoxicity issues more than wd issues. Yes, my issues stem from the benzo but I think the first injury was the antibiotic and the steroid (and strep throat too ).
There was another suicide in the neurotoxicity community this last week. I didn't know her but she recently posted before and after pics of herself. She was a beautiful young girl in the fitness industry destroyed by and adverse reaction to remeron and then subsequently poly drugged.
I'm having a rough time today.
I have needles and bee stings all over me.
Yesterday I had a hard time getting out of the house because I had such bac stomach issues. I was fatigued and nauseas. Of course. I'm trying to find the culprit.
Is it that winter is approaching? The chicken I ate?
The probiotic? The cranberry supplement? What the fuck is it.
Everything and anything. Literally.
Is it because I pushed beyond my limits last week and tried to "act normal".
Pushing through just doesn't work in this case.
I am doing all I can.
I'm trying to sell things on ebay for distraction and money. I'm working a tiny tiny bit. I'm walking. I'm with my kids. But I am struggling. I am very very ambivalent about coming off these last two meds (gabapentin and remeron) for fear of unleashing a storm so great it can't be tucked back in once unleashed. I'm 7 months off a benzo now and do I feel healing?
I don't know. I just don't know.
I wish I had a crystal ball. I also wish I could turn back time--four years ago I was vacationing in Hawaii and working full time. And with one pill that reality is gone. And the worst really is that no one believes me. Or not many. I heard through a friend that another friend and work colleague doubted my experience. At a certain point, I just don't give a shit.
I know full well what my CNS is doing. I have no real words for what this is but certainly an experience that is painful and real and hidden.
Keep fighting Warriors.
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.