Sorry I haven't written for a while. Thanks so much for the comments, I love to hear from everyone ( I just can't figure out how to respond!).
What is new in your world?
Here it's kids, summer, burning... and more burning.
August 3rd is 5 months off benzos.
Some people say at six months or five months that was their worst month. I think that because I have gabapentin on board every day is sort of the same, and the question of whether I am healing or not is up for debate.
My chest burns and it feels like there has been acid poured down my throat.
I am not sleeping much.
I'm up too late online, and I think this amps my system.
These are some things and some habits you should NOT do in benzo withdrawal.
I think I've always had a bit of a hard time with self-care. My old me would think self -care was, well..boring.
When I feel well I want to squeeze in as much normalcy as possible.
I went to the beach yesterday with my children and other couples were there with their kids. These are people I haven't seen in over a year, since I have been in hiding. These were acquaintances, even friends, that were pretty absent during my descent into akathisia and darkness mistaking it for "anxiety" and something I could will myself out of. I felt resentful and initially hesitated even joining them at the beach. But my need to move forward and my need to show my kids normalcy trumped my petty feelings. After all how can someone even fathom the disability that comes with psych withdrawal. I couldn't.
Even at the beach they marveled at how much "better I seemed". Well, partially it was an act. I felt ok minus the daily head pressure and terror,.. I just acted as if. I faked it. I did it for my kids and to try to move forward because I don't know if I'll ever feel safe and comfortable in my body again in the near future. Maybe this is it. I just don't know. This is my life and I have to live it.
I do know that staying indoors and talking about symptoms doesn't help me personally.
It's good to vent and when it gets really bad it's just life or death.. I must have over done things yesterday because the terror, acid chest feeling crept up on me late last night and has been with me all day. It hurts.
The take away is self care.
Getting on a regular schedule is something I aspire to right now.
Keeping things so simple.
That's key for me.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.