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Even my dog threw up?

12/18/2016

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Things are getting kind of comical here. 
Even our dog threw up.
Stomach flu it is. 
Staying away as much as I can because I am trying to get STABLE remember?
No such luck. 
This is why parenting and withdrawal seems...well, just about impossible.
A friend said to me today "go to detox, you aren't stable because you aren't able to work or parent or leave your house". 
Well, my terror has been gone these last two weeks. Oh the relief. That makes me feel suddenly more stable even if I am not FUNCTIONING.
It's the gabapentin. Without it I would be writhing in pain.
It's another problem, I know. A problem I think about every second of every day.

My husband has been wiping my kid's brows, cleaning their poops, cloroxing the house millions of times and our old dog walks up to him, sits down and throws up at his feet.
We laughed.

I think I am next.

The fatigue is pulling me back to bed, the headache, the nightsweats but I will take it.
THIS IS MANAGEABLE. 
I don't have terror and akathesia. I am fine with the rest of this as long as that is kept at bay, which I know it won't be for long.
​
Has anyone tried a light box?
I heard that can be healing as well as a weighted blanket.
I have to get it together to order those things on amazon.
Positives today?
-no terror, I can sit and lay down, thank you god
-it's sunday
-my one kid is getting better, the other one is now worse. 
The little one knowingly said the the older one "You know when you keep crying it makes it worse. You have to try to calm yourself down"
Yes.....words of wisdom
When it gets bad we have to try to calm ourselves down (which is pretty darn hard in the midst of akathesia--it's next to impossible) and not amp our systems more.
-I feel so tired that I am forced to surrender
-praying a lot to myself, trying to remember THIS IS NOT ME AND THIS WILL PASS ONE BRILLIANT DAY
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    Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others.  This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.

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