I love this woman, This is the best benzo advice out there--and I love the emphasis on
"You are not gonna die, You are not dying". This is someone who gets it. Thank you.
If you are in benzo withdrawal there are some pretty FREAKY videos on the internet that I wish I had NEVER seen. But I have a morbid curiosity so I would click on things you really should never click on. One woman was panting and rocking 22 mos after being off benzos. I have that image seared into my mind. Holy shit, am I going to be brain damaged forever? Benzo Buddies has been an enormous help at the beginning of my taper, but then became a daily obsession. Again, I was drawn to the absolute worst case stories on the site. One post actually said-- "If you are anxious don't click on this post".. so what did my stupid ass do? I clicked right on the post and it scared the beejeezus out of me. As one guy put it, Benzo buddies are a lot like benzos--they give you relief at first then they do the opposite of what they were intended to do...
Once I accidentally cold turkeyed ( I was taking .5 Ativan three times weekly), then 6 weeks later fast tapered (with no help of a doctor whose specialty was tapering people off meds,...yeah right..) I had serious PTSD. I had kindled, shocked my nervous system several times. I was horrified that I couldn't get off. I didn't realize this would be another year long adventure into benzo hell, a true underworld, where life becomes fuzzy and you feel like you are on the verge of insanity, crippled with an fear that is indescribable to anyone who has not experienced. Imagine being on meth, ayahuasca, and LSD all at once but the trip just fucking goes on and on and on.... Every normal part of life, your kid crying, someone giving you the finger in traffic, getting bitten by a dog (yes, this did happen to me in cold turkey- I was emanating fear), just getting in the car to drive, meeting someone new, fills you with fear and adrenaline rushes. We are brave souls.
So my advice is this--once you have your taper information, limit your time on benzo sites, limit the number of horrific videos you are watching and fear mongering. It doesn't always go badly, and most of those people who recover don't bother talking or posting about it. The fear activates the amygdala and creates a kind of kindling of it's own. We are getting better day by day. I have to believe this. And this wise woman says it right, we are not dying. You are not going to die.. I have surrendered either way. I read one guy say that the gift of benzo hell was it took away his fear of death. I feel that way too.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.