I had a wonderful dream last night.
I prayed to god. I asked for a sign again in my dream before I went to sleep.
I asked if god, angels or whomever were with me right now. If this was in fact a path I am supposed to be on. Because I am just stunned I am here.
I prayed in my dream and when I said show me a sign I looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star. Fireworks came down into my back yard! I was pain free in my dream. I was ready to go bike riding. I looked good. Healthy. Like I did right after I had my first son.
I did some RESEARCH (ugh so tired of it) and it seems that it is my brain trying to RAISE dopamine. All the seeking, looking, and looking again.
Today I start my day writing (better than doing this at night ) and make a gratitude list:
healthy, happy children
On the path I am destined to be on
Roof over my head
Food in the fridge
Love in my life (even if I can't feel it right now at all)
a glimmer of hope
beauty in life
the new natural hair dye I bought for 8 dollars
getting the energy to paint my nails
determination to get better no matter what
The will to live despite feeling very very tired in this fight
a gratitude practice starting TODAY.
Getting off my phone and today I will try to stay off my computer as well
Comedy (although I haven't felt up to watching it, I know it's there)
What are you grateful for today? Let's up our dopamine stores!
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.