How are you all doing?
I am faking it quite well.
I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, started to move away from reading scary stories ( I know they are all true, heartbreaking and real... I am one of them) and started walking....slowly.
I will be moving out of my home for 3 months to end my taper in a sublet I have found. I can't afford to do this but I felt I needed quiet, simplicity... I wanted to be by the beach and hopefully well enough to be out of my bed for the next 3 months.
I have been spending time with others, just one on one in conversation, watching comedy, talking about other things besides benzos such as: books, movies, politics, relationships and reflecting on life and how beautiful but unfair it is.
Dave Chappelle's comedy special is very funny.
I need to stay out of my head as much as possible.
Someone once said these words to me " Your mind is like a bad neighborhood, don't go in there alone".
Try not to be alone with yourself and your thoughts. Ask friends to come over. Try to uber to their place if possible. Go on walks if you can. Watch funny television. Write in a journal. Sit in the sun and listen to the birds. This sounds pollyanna. I know. When I hit acute in November, all I could do was writhe in extreme pain and beg for mercy. Right now with the help (and harm) of other medications, I feel like crap but I am not in full blown horror everyday. My thoughts, and what I put my attention on matters. Kindling is real not only in the on/off again of the benzos but also exists when we talk, think, behave sick. Neuroplasticity is real. The dark side of neuroplasticity is pain, anxiety. We don't have much control in benzo withdrawal but we have some. Use the tools as much as you can. Believe you can and will heal.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.