So I don't want to harp on this and give it more power. I have been home sick, on antibiotics. Been hit hard. I feel discouraged as I was hoping and strengthening my body preparing for the last leg of the taper. I came down with something hard, and my walking, breathing, eating took a hit. Really?! Trying to take it in stride. I know the benzos are lowering my immune system. Am I trying to do too much? Again, people I would love a year off. I would love to be in a spa in the Swiss Alps healing and calming my nervous system. That is what I, we ALL need. I may just have to quit fighting now and surrender. This recent hit makes me not want to leave the house. I feel too weak to. I was optimistic but depression has set in. Antibiotics never help. One day at a time. Keep moving, I guess? What is the right move? Keep moving or stop moving and surrender? I am meditating for long periods of time to activate the parasympathetic nervous system. I know my suppressed emotions, my inner conflict is contributing here. I need to take action and make a move. The indecision is ridiculous. I need solitude. I need to be alone.
I am down to 1..4 mg of V. Had a conversation with my psychiatrist who has been pretty MIA this whole time.
Finally he wrote me to call him, no charge.
He got real with me. He got human. He said he is disgusted with what is happening in psychiatry. It makes him sick. He believes me with this benzo nightmare. He said it doesn't happen to everyone but it does happen. He told me he has been disturbed by my situation. It's the 3rd doctor that has said that to me. Is that comforting? I just want off, I just want OFF already. Carefully, slowly, I want to land back into my own body, mind and soul.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.