" One thing we do know--Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness" -Eckhart Tolle

This week was ok.. Minus the burning and anxiety. Doc suggested I try CBD oil for a neural 'reset' so I went to a pot doc and asked for the babiest of baby sprays that might be able to help me keep trucking downward. Just tried one spray and waiting to report back.
Weed has never been my friend. Like I said, I am super clean and hate mind altering medications. After hearing two docs tell me I need something to help 'reset' things I am willing. I just have to be willing right now. Willing to let go of control and accept help but ultimately trust myself and my body.
Dealing with kids crying, fighting, marriage woes, ohhhh the list goes on. It feels dark, heavy and hard, I know many people have a different version of hard and are in a dark night of the soul.  Heading on a hike to look up at the sky and pray pray pray. Grateful I can do that right now.
I talked with Jennifer Leigh who herself has gone through a hellish benzo journey and came through it. She was lovely. I will consider some coaching with one of these folks Bliss Johns or Jennifer Leigh  soon. Too much to decide right now and finances are becoming a frightening issue.  It's just one day and one moment at a time. 
I told her the doctor said I was the worst case he'd seen and she laughed and said, "yeah, they always say that". How do they not know how gnarly this is? Benzo awareness day is coming soon. Wise up doctors. Let's shove benzos in their mouth then rip them off and see how well they fare. When I asked my doctor if he had ever been in withdrawal he said no, the benzos scare the crap out of me. Then WHY would you ever prescribe them or not warn others of their perils?! 
No point in regrets. I am reading Eckhart Tolle and he says,

"One thing we do know: Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness"

This is true.
Holding onto that thought and the idea of disidentifying with the body. Move away from symptom thinking and distract. Ignore. Be grateful. Try to get out of the house if you can and do one small thing that supports your healing today.
I am heading out the door to do the same. We are all together on this journey even though we are in different places, different homes, different countries and different cultures, The support and community, the spiritual brotherhood/sisterhood is what heals.