I want to burn this writing. I never want to see, hear or experience this again. I am reaching a new level of intensity. My symptoms moved from burning to prickling to chemical terror. I wonder if I will sleep. I pray for my body to shut off, where is the switch? where has it gone? Do other people have it this bad? It seems insane? It doesn't seem right. I am afraind about what to do next. I am in an insane amount of suffering suddenly. This no longer feels manageable. I can't think, eat, and we will see about sleep. I need to get well. I need to remember--these are just symptoms they don't mean anything. Yet they are dizzying. They are overpowering. They are mindblowing -- not in a good way. I can hardly speak or put a sentence together .Writing is calming though it just sounds like desperate jibber jabber. I tried to meditate. I tried to make friends with this mother fucker chemical terror. I don't want this friendship. I want to go back to my life. Working, playing, sitting, reading, laughing. It's been SO long since I have felt like me. I know many have endured much longer. What makes some people pull through and others not? Many don't seem to have intense symptoms. This is intense. If I hear one more person tell me they have never ever seen this before I am going to smack them. What am I supposed to do with that information? Or my doctor who said I might not make it. He is the bearer of doom and gloom. Of course I need to make it. These are just symptoms, tricks in the brain. But they are so painful This is by far the most painful and horrific experience of my life. The day actually began "OK". I felt a renewed energy thought I prickled ALL OVER and burned. Then restlessness came in and turned into TERROR. TERROR. Fear on CRACK. I am holding at my dose. I would rather add another medication in then go back up. I HAVE GOT TO DO THIS. One way or another. I have to, I just have to.
Gods, angels, doctors, healers, whoever and wherever you are, please lend me a hand. This too shall pass this too shall pass....will it? I need Baylissa in my ear 24/7 laughing and saying, yes ,yes it will....
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.