My skin is on fire. I can barely sit still. My heart is beating out of my chest. I am scared. No two ways about it. I desperately want my mind and body back. As imperfect as they were/are, it was nothing like this. I could sit still. All my nerves weren't on fire. I was happy. I could read books to my children. I could sleep somewhat. I was doing ok. Drugs have made me into someone else. I want ME back so terribly badly.
I was on facebook and saw a post of a woman who committed suicide because 11 mos post taper she was still battling akathesia. The dreaded symptom that made me reinstate. I feel the storm underneath me.
I feel too confused to do anything except write. I don't even know if I am making sense or who I am writing to. I am just writing. It's calming. And for whatever reason, being on BB feels calming too but I know it actually is NOT calming. Goal: stay off the boards for a week. Let your body settle.
I think it is time to surrender. I will see how this week goes. If it continues to be this brutal I need to stop working. The thought of accumulating debt for an unknown period of time fills me with fear. I know money can't solve problems but having money right now would help. I could hire a nurse. I could go to a center to calm my system down. Really, what is the point.
A treatment center won't fix a broken nervous system, only time will.
I have to get my positivity back..
The one thing I need to look at is my supplements. I added zinc and something called juice plus because it is supposed to help the immune system. I know when I tried NAC I felt like this. And when I tried magnesium I felt like this too.
I was so up the other day I thought I would never sleep. But I did. Barely.
Scared scared scared.
I am preparing and going to hold right now. I am stopping all supplements and hoping that a good nights sleep will help me.
Today is a very rough day.
Very very rough.
I need a plan of action, a team and I feel like a lone wolf figuring this out with a sick brain.
I don't know how I have survived it this long.
I do not want to updose but I do not want to feel this. Did I go to fast? ignore ignore ignore
Pray pray pray.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.