ed Round and round we go on the merry go round of symptoms.
I woke today with despair as my head felt like it was plugged into an electrical socket and I just wondered--how is my body going to heal from this?
Haunting advice and words from doctors echoed in my mind over and over again like a tape recorder on repeat.
My OCD which was mild before this madness is now pretty extreme.
I have a thought, a fear and I have to catch it before it grows into a large tumor in my mind.
"What if I never heal"
"What if I'm one of the unlucky ones"
"What if there's something else wrong"
"There IS something else wrong"
"What if this kills me"
" What if there was wine in that dish I ate at dinner tonight?"
"What if that piece of chocolate sends me into a wave?"
" What if I catch my kid's cold and I need antibiotics?"
"What if I really run out of money and become homeless?"
"What if I lose everything?"
"How am I ever going to work again?"
"What if the akathisia never goes away?"
And this doesn't include the 100,000 other fears, worries, thoughts that loop and loop like an endless sickening merry go round.
Here I am filling easter eggs for my kids while everyone in the house is sleeping. I feel amped like I'm on speed, it hurts but I keep going, I'm really not sure how.
Tips if you have a partner in benzo withdrawal:
I recommend skin to skin contact---hugging, lying together, holding hands, getting back rubs and foot rubs.
Paint your nails if you can
Color your own hair if you can
Take a shower as much as you can
If they have obsessive thoughts, give them one reassurance and then help them distract.
COMEDY COMEDY COMEDY
I've been watching Bill Burr and Chris Rock and Dave Chapelle--so many fantastic specials on if you can watch some TV, do.
Limit phone usage at night ( I am not good at this) and focus on comedy, dabbing essential oils on your feet and wrists and drinking some mint tea.
Limit symptom talk to a small amount of time per day, then move on.
Words with Friends, puzzles, coloring books, knitting, painting, writing,...keep your hands and mind busy, away from this pain IF you can.
If you're in full blown akathisia or acute forget the above its 911 emergency--get everyone and anyone you feel safe with to be by your side cooking, cleaning, helping and holding you.
You're doing your best and this is temporary, keep going my friends.....
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.