Red Alert

PMS big time today. This whole week actually. I am not the only woman in withdrawal that notices a significant spike in symptoms right before their period. More accurately, I get thrown into a pile of steaming shit and get burned alive in a pit of hell just as I'm about to bleed.

Sorry guys if this is off putting. Be grateful you don't deal with these hormonal imbalances. Before benzo withdrawal I never had PMS. I couldn't relate to women sobbing and raging before their period. I might be in denial however, so you'd have to ask my partners.  In the book called Eating in the Light of the Moon there is a piece about PMS that says it is when the truth emerges. It is when women's 'nice' people pleasing exterior crumbles to reveal some truths they have had difficulty sharing.  But in benzo withdrawal, it's PMS on crack.
It's that plus no feel good chemicals in the brain.

Today I feel too scared to leave the house. I will leave, I'm just saying, I dont WANT to leave. I have to see my kids. I am also afraid to see them because I'm afraid of the agitation and chemical terror that I feel.  I just can't stand this one more minute. 

Not ONE!

Make this go away. Someone. Come meet me with your magic wand and wave this suffering away for all of us. Yes, for many, doctor's promised that the magic want would be this deadly drug.  I can't think of anything deadlier than a benzodiazepine.  I still find the denial around this astounding.

Some creepy stuff has been happening on facebook.
An outspoken anti benzo advocate had their entire page shut down. Another man that posts anti pharma information had his messaging blocked. This has happened to many activists trying to provide psycho education and awareness 
A CDC doctor was found dead in a river with suspicions that he was going to reveal how the recent flu shot was responsible for the deadly outbreak that we have just had.  My son had the shot and developed something called Viral myositis from it. He woke up one morning and couldn't walk.  Thankfully, it just took a lot of fluids to flush this out of his system.  
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The world has always been a scary place. In benzo withdrawal it feels that much scarier. Everything is heightened. Whatever trauma, impulsivity issues, childhood issues, relational issues I have had before are magnified by 10,000.
Every nerve is awake. 
Let's use this pain and suffering towards our transformation not our demise.
I refuse to give up but I'm getting so tired. 
I mean, I wish I was TIRED. Let's say, I'm getting weary and ragged. 
Wishing everyone well today.