Quiet and Stillness
The inability to handle ANY stress at all is pretty extreme at the moment. Good or bad stress sets my system off. I need to hibernate mostly.
I love hearing people's comments and experiences. I won't be responding to people's private messages not because I don't care, I DO. I think I just have to limit my computer time at the moment since I am not doing too well. I just want to keep things AS SIMPLE AS POSSIBLE. I need to keep things SO basic. Eat, sleep, spend time with my children. write occasionally and survive. I am a people pleaser at heart-- I want to respond, help, share with others. Right now I have to pull all the energy I have within and just SURVIVE this especially now that I am not doing well on a minute to minute basis. My symptoms change and vary each day every day and even an appointment at a doctor's office can put me in the bathroom for hours.. The stress response is so overactivated at the moment that what I need is fresh air and distraction more than anything.
I went to an appointment and this healer handed me two books. She said " You need to focus and think about something else, here... read this". I agreed. Two books that have nothing to do with this madness! What a relief. If only I could focus and concentrate on anything at all!! It's hard because I can't really read, or focus for long periods of time or do much of anything productive.
If anyone has any good DISTRACTION tools I would love to hear them!
Before I got so sick I tried a painting class which was marvelous. Now, all of my distraction attempts need to take place within the home.
I know we must have kept busy SOMEHOW before computers and phones.
I am tempted to give myself an assignment--no internet and no phone for one week.
I wonder how that will impact my sleep and my neurological health. I think it will improve it vastly.
So if you can, get out there on your walks, keep busy, be with safe, loving people and talk to others, be in fresh air if you can. Savor each moment of respite and relief.
Today is not as easy as yesterday. My sleep was muddled and I woke up to the screams of my little one having pooped everywhere. I want to get up and help and I just cannot. I feel guilt and shame every time I don't show up for their hurts. Thank god my husband has taken over the mornings because my sleep begins at around 3-4am these days. The madness....the terror. the sleeplessness. It will be a distant memory I hope soon.
We all heal. We do. Let that be your mantra! One foot in front of the other......
12/16/2016 09:37:24 am
You said you are looking for a distraction. I, too, am going through this hell. I find comfort in a hot bath (I have spent hours per day in there because of pain). I am able to read and focus on things once I am comfortable, so I am in the process of getting some easy to read books that are also somewhat comical to pass the time while I'm in the tub. We will make it through this hell eventually, and I appreciate you taking the time to write the article for Mad In America. Maybe now that a trained professional understands, we can get more doctors to start listening and believing us! (My doctor told me my movement disorder is because I was allergic to Klonopin - I took it 11 years and didn't have a problem until I started tapering). Good luck!
Thank you for writing. I am not sure if me being a trained professional matters as they haven't believed me! But believe me when (god willing) I am well I will do my best to help and educate. Hot baths are a good idea. My bathtub is filled with toys :) But I heard another woman whose burning was so intense she sat in an EMPTY bathtub for six months because the cold porcelain soothed her burning body.
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.