parenting and withdrawal

12/16/2016

How many of us are moms and dads out there?
When I read Matt Samet and Baylissa and Jennifer Leigh (her kids were grown at the time of her withdrawal I think?) I wonder HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN?
I read some BAD stories on BB about people 50 mos out, still disabled. I think if I am disabled for 3,4 or 5 more years?
Stay in the now. In the now.
I am powerless over this and YES my life has become unmanageble.
I can't turn back time and be 30 or 35 or 20 going through this.
Today I am finding it very very hard to be positive.
I am sorry.
Am I using my tools? No, not really.
So, up I get, going to wash the negativity off with a shower and plunge myself on a walk.
If you are unwell or reading and writing from a bed, do what you can.
Breathe.
Listen to bineural beats and meditations for calming.
Listen to Bliss John's calming meditations
Keep going
You can do this
I looked at pictures of my gorgoeus benzo friend who was tough and strong and lifting weights 3 years ago. She looked beautiful with her whole family. She is in a recliner now unable to leave her home. We have to fight this and we cannot let a tiny pill take us down. I texted her this morning and I said, "This isn't us" It isn't. I was doing yoga and hiking daily just two years ago. Despite my health issues I never let it stop me.
When I look at the size of the valium I am taking it is half of a 2mg pill. Miniscule really. I cannot let this take me down. Yes, I took wrong advice and made mistakes last year because I was misonformed. I trusted the wrong doctors and it's the community support and knowledge that has given me the tools to get to where I am today.
Keep going. Keep fighting.
Each day and in every way I am getting better and better. Bliss John's words of wisdom. :)

9 Comments

Rachel carroll

12/16/2016 05:52:12 pm

Hi. I read your article on MIA and came to check out your sight and read your latest blog. It captured my eye as I too am a mum of two glorious little creatures ages 3 and 6.

Here is a brief synopsis of my horror show. Nearly 3 years ago I started going through menopause aged 40 ish. A myriad of inexplicable disjointed symptoms had the dick head doctors bamboozled. So a plethora of tests were conducted all returning normal. I felt it was hormonal all along and my mum had menopause at same age, a fact idiot doctors chose to ignore. If you have not already noticed I hate doctors!

Then insomnia started, same as my mums with her menopause, and so after e days of zero sleep I skip off to doc who prescribes me alepam better known as serepax. Over the next 4 months I took various benzo daily up to the equivalent of 20mg of valium. My life unravelled during this time, I went insane. I think I was addicted in a week, having interposed wd, paradoxical...who knows but it was hell. Ended up ct off the benzo at 4 months of daily use none the wiser and put on effexor 2 weeks and then ct off that. Two weeks later shit hit fan and I too myself to hospital. They said major depressive episode still none the wiser about benzo ct wd and the evil ad.

Hospo put me on mirtazapine and for next 8 months I lived in daily terror thinking I was losing my mind, horrific daily thoughts of homicide, suicide you name it. And akathasia. I didn't pace but I was tortured inside.

Then 8 months of mirtazapine I was swapped to pristiq. Nothing improved really until I started hormone replacement after finally being diagnosed with premature menopause. Somehow or rather the penny dropped and I realised it was all the drugs.

I weaned off the ad over 11 months but I did jump off the last 8mg 3 months ago. I'm doing ok. Still have symptoms all day most days but have a few windows. Am working and caring for my kids and my husband works away 7 days at a time every two weeks.

I don't know what the future holds other than the fact I can never take another psych drug, I actually think it could kill me.

I experienced what you are going through when I was ct off the benzo after 4 months of daily use. It was beyond words, my mind told me I wanted to die. The suffering was worse than any torture you could imagine. I feel for you so so so so much. I want to hug you and tell you it gets better. I am pretty sure much of what I'm experiencing is probably from my benzo use 3 years ago. Of course I fucked things up by taking ads but I wasn't to know.

What we can be certain of is people as bad off if not worse than us have healed. You will too. You like me have no choice, our little darlings need us.

People say to me all the time it must be hard going through this with kids and it is....BUT....they are such a motivating factor beyond life itself that forces me to push on no matter what. I'm grateful for them. If it was just me I wonder how I would feel.

Anyway I just wanted to touch base as a fellow mum and give you my story. It's criminal what's happening with these drugs. I will never give up, it's my job to share my experience and help others to get through this and warn others off these drugs.

Sorry if there is typos. My little ones are full on and I'm typing this whilst looking after them.

Sending you big hugs and strength

12/16/2016 08:34:05 pm

Thank you for sharing. I laughed out loud about the dickhead remark.
Dickheads for sure. Are you here in the US or abroad?
It's amazing how dense doctors are. They refuse to think and one doctor actually said to me "in medical school we are taught NOT to believe our patients". That comment astounded me with it's truth. You would think a healer would be there to LEARN to figure out the puzzle. To see the best in a person and not the worst. Sadly I am on mirtazapine too. How was the withdrawal from that one?
I agree , once this is over I will never touch a chemical again. Our CNS becomes very sensitive. Yes our little ones keep us going. I never wanted to be a SICK mother. I have to get well soon and yet there is nothing I can do to speed up the healing but my part in things.
Can I ask what hormones you ended up on? What kind of practitioner you would go to to figure that out?
I read SO many stories that women have these issues and they are heightened with our hormones. Sending hugs back

Rachel carroll

12/18/2016 12:09:51 am

I was pretty much ct off mirtazapine onto pristiq. So hard to say. But for 2 weeks I was in very bad shape. I had to go to the hospital as they thought I had serotonin syndrome. I had to take some drug to stop the action of the ad. I'm probably lucky to be alive in more ways than one. In general I think mirtazapine is another very tough one to get off sadly.

In terms of hormones I tried many different combos. Ended up synthetic over bio is what worked for me. I saw an endocrinologist who diagnosed my meno. I also see a GP who specialises in hormones and he is used up more than the specialists.

I'm in sunny queensland australia.

I'm in a window today, we'll feeling 80 percent normal so I'm feeling a sense of some peace today. I hope you get some windows soon too.

Xxx

12/18/2016 04:10:15 pm

Great to hear you are in a window! fantastic. Cannot wait for my success story!

Olga Matveeva

12/16/2016 06:01:47 pm

Your suffering is terrible but your blog is great! It captivated me, because I am in a same life mode of pain and difficulty of everyday survival. You are very gifted ! Your writing is inspirational! it shows your strengths and small victories in every day incredibly difficult struggle.

12/16/2016 08:35:01 pm

Thank you so much Olga. Your words mean so much. I am sorry you are suffering too. I hope you continue to heal and fight this crazy private struggle.

12/18/2016 03:59:07 am

Hello, I am in the same boat. Bad reaction to antibiotic and couldn't sleep. Took Ativan for one week and stopped - was in w/d but don't know it. Depression and returned insomnia. Etc...Thought I needed Prozac or just Ambien so tried those while then back to Ativan only for three weeks that "stabilized" me and have been tapering at 10% since with a compound pharmacy. Also in an online program called point of return that provides 24/7 online support and supplements to rebuild glutathione and assist with sleep. I'm a mom and Therapist too ...,this has been my worst nightmare ever! Did you switch to V from Ativan for your taper?

12/18/2016 04:09:12 pm

Oh great. How is POR working for you?
I am trying to get all those nutrients through food as I can't take any supplements lately
sounds like you haven't been on for long so hopefully you can get off with little trouble! I hope so!! Thanks for writing!!!

12/19/2016 04:30:11 am

It's working out great. They are very knowledgable about interactions of certain foods to eat and stay away from. I am a foodie so it has been tough giving up somethings but it makes a huge difference in reducing the severity of symptoms. Basically staying away from excitotoxins and anything that it stimulating or will cause an inflammatory response. Surpringly, bananas are huge one because of the tryptophan, but also tyramine when ripe which can stimulate the nervous system. Very interesting.

Author

Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.

parenting and withdrawal

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