Oxytocin, dopamine and other neurotransmitters

I found videos like that on Elite Daily and find it really interesting... what a great service to those in need of some dopamine/oxytocin and whatever else gets released during a cuddling. Touch is a healer. A healer that I have seen texted me to tell me he thought I needed healing and he was going to work on me remotely. He has a powerful energy so I accepted. Yesterday I felt ok. Today, burning nerves, low mood, gasping for air, I have lost my groove. I have a dark sense and a part of me fears I am not going to make it through this. I know everyone says, oh , of course you will, but my body feels weak and vulnerable and I cannot withstand any more hits. I am still recovering from an illness and trying to get back on the right path physically and mentally. I feel if I could be ok physically I could be ok mentally. But is this spiritual? I just watched Ram Dass' documentary Fierce Grace. As he was writing the ending of his book on Death and Aging and grappling with an ending he was 'stroked' by his guru. He uses his experience with his stroke as a spiritual experience. I have had so much medical trauma I just feel beaten down by the prospect of more. 
Feeling sorry for myself today. Feel done with burning, insomnia, hell.  I want to get through this. Been reading success stories on BB. When I felt well I didn't even go online at all. I was climbing out of the hold for a month. I would still like to move out of my home to get some respite and healing on my own. I need space, I need solitude and I crave being alone with no one else around. I have reached out in recovery meetings but I don't want to have to explain my story. I am so done. Tomorrow is another day. I seem to have good and bad waves and windows so let's pray for some respite tomorrow. I might visit the sea.....