Another summer, the third one feeling benzo sick. I can't believe how long it's been and I hope I don't have to count three more summers until protracted is over.
I am almost done with my taper. I know, I know. I keep saying that. But everything has to come to an end right? I am at .20 of V. I am on 600mg gabapentin and 15mg of remeron.
I am not worried about the remeron. I don't care if my nervous system is working right and I am left on it for another year.
But who am I right now?
I don't feel like me.
I keep saying that to everyone who knows me and sees me. I sit down and after a five minute conversation ask them "Do I seem normal to you?" " Do I seem like me?". Most people surprisingly say YES.
This is the strangest thing. Feeling like you are on the edge of insanity but being able to play it off as if you are sane. Feeling terror. Sickness. Headpressure. Burning. Chest pain. On and on.
My emotions matter. A lot. What I put my attention on matters. A lot.
I know I keep repeating myself.
Where will this end? I don't know. Hopefully the finish line comes soon and fast. Hopefully there is peace. Hopefully akathisia doesn't stay too long, and god forbid forever.
I hope and pray and hope and pray and hope and pray for everyone injured by Big Pharma.
Injured by doctor's ignorance and possibly bad genetics.
Sending healing your way.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.