Good morning, Good afternoon
Put the restlessness to work
I cleaned the room
I emptied the dishwasher
I am grateful the restlessness is diminishing
I cuddled my sick boy
I just wrote a whole post that was deleted. I hate feeling like I am not myself. I hate feeling lost on this journey. I started gabapentin reluctantly. I had no choice. It was a matter of life or death it seemed.
I was in PURE AGONY. I could not sit still, I could only moan in pain because of the inner restlessness, the nerve burning the whole body burning. I couldn't endure it. It was the blind terror and restlessness that did it. I needed a way to function even ever so limited. It's a means to an END I am telling myself. A means to an end. The main goal is getting off of a BENZO. Period. If I am on gabapentin for a couple of months or remeron so be it. I don't think we should fear other medications if they bring our quality of life back. I was holed up in my room for 17 days in agony. I was going to enter a hospital. I could barely eat or sleep. My heart was flip flopping like a fish and I was posting desperately on BB. I was tiring everyone out. I was trying to be hardcore, trying to endure but I wasn't going to make it. Look, that's just me. I have a protracted withdrawal. I just do. I have intense physical symptoms that then cause mental anguish. I said if the physical symptoms would lift tomorrow I would go off merrily on my way. I worry about things--my stomach, my heart, my children, my marriage., money, if I am really going to make it through this.
I feel the escalation and intense energy within me. It's very frightening to feel you have no control of your body. To feel the craziness of AKATHESIA. And the mind. My mind. I am using THOUGHT STOPPING to say STOP STOP STOP every time a fearful thought comes in. Be in full acceptance. FULL ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR SYMPTOMS.
I have to believe there is a light at the end of this... where is that light? I am searching for it.
Things I will do today:
Drink green juice.
Eat sardines (YUKKK) for the OMEGAS without having to take supplements
Paint my own nails
Make my bed
Make my kids beds :)
Distract (hard with restlessness)
Pray-for myself and others
Lend a hand to others and reach one out
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.