Miracles

Last Monday my beloved pup and companion was fighting for his life. Today.... well, he's barking and begging for scraps at the table! A remarkable recovery.

​We had a cardiologist and 4 other vets in amazement at his recovery, his will to survive and thrive. When I took him home Wednesday night ( I was told the cost of oxygen and treatment for one night would exceed 1800 dollars... I said I am coming to get him like NOW) he was sedated and not himself. I didn't know if he would ever recover the spunk he had or if this experience would leave him shaken. Wait a minute. I am projecting. He's a DOG and he lives in the now. In the moment. Each moment is a new one. It took a good 2-3 days for his spunk to return. I still haven't seen him wag his tail but he is a brooding kind of dog even on a good day. Regardless, this is a life lesson. The body (dog and human alike) is remarkably resilient.

​The will to live and the spirit is also something that doctors and medicine cannot explain.

​Last Monday were recommended to put our dog down. Today, Monday, he is resting, clip clopping around, jumping on and off the sofa, sitting for treats.  I am grateful. My husband said even if he is just with us for another week, another month or two. He is HOME. He is with his family where he belongs not in a cold icy sterile hospital.

​This is my dog. I think he has felt my sorrow, my grief. I know that sounds self absorbed and I know he's an old dog, but I just feel he and I are connected :) Call me crazy!

​I have had several reasonable days. I have restarted my taper with trepidation.
I am going slowly down .15 per month until off. Should be another 4-5 months. Is this right or wrong? I just don't know. Will I make it? Won't I? I just don't know.

​On Friday, after hearing my symptoms, my doctor is sending me to the local hospital to their epilepsy lab. I am smelling weird smells, get this intense head pressure and white light issues.  If I haven't had seizure like episodes before, what would be causing them now?
​When he saw my lab work he was concerned about some viruses that appeared high and possibly reactivated. At least he is taking my situation seriously and is not dismissive.
If I could only figure out a way to fix my stomach. I still don't know how. I have several numbers of holistic doctors but I am hesitant to go, to get more tests done, to be told I have yet more things wrong with me that need more supplements etc etc. It's an endless loop. I have to start somewhere. I am considering a supplement that people praise called Restore4Life then I heard it contained glutamine in it. This is an endless looping nightmare.

​Today I walked. I walked with my neighbor. Her kids came over for lunch. I was almost a normal mother for the afternoon and it felt good even though the symptoms are brewing underneath it all. My akathisia is controlled. Thank god. With medication, yes, sadly.. but controlled.
​I talked with Baylissa. She said yes, with other symptoms such as tinnitus or dizziness etc you might have to ride it out... but with akathisia, that's a different story. It is the most serious symptom out there that there is in my opinion. Not to minimize others symptoms, it's just a very distressing one that is linked to self harm and violence and extreme desperation.

​I read Allison Gallagher's story. It's inspiring. She was quite a rock star!!! It's sad to read that at the end of her life while trying to help others she was 'caught' by a local psychiatrist and sued for the generous work that she did. I mean really???

​Positives:

I got a 35 dollar trim and colored my own hair yesterday
​I went on a walk with a friend today
I ate breakfast and lunch--healthy as usual
​I am not having akathisia today
​My dog is alive and well
My children are healthy and well thank god
One more day.....

​I continue to try to heal my brain with positive thinking and fresh air and good nutritious food. I am not taking any supplements and I hope my body is getting what it needs naturally through my green juice and garlic and orange juice combination.
​I am well enough to sleep (with the adjunct medication I am still on--that comes later) even though I don't fall asleep sometimes until 3-4am, it varies from day to day.

​I am reading Dan Nueffer's work on the autonomic nervous system as well and how he healed CFS. He wrote me back and said his program isn't specifically geared towards drug withdrawal so not sure how effective it can be but it's worth continuing to read and research.