I recently was on one of the sites and someone said, let's play an unproductive game. List all of your symptoms. I know it isn't helpful or productive. In fact, its counterproductive. But new ones spring up every day.
How do you know what is benzo and what is an underlying issue?
These last couple of days it has been my eyes. They hurt. They water, They burn. I can't see well. I know when I have had the stress response turned on several times during this journey I felt my eyes burning and I couldn't see. It's a lesser version of that happening. It's scary. I guess that is why you call it a brain injury. I am going to the eye doctor today only to check things out. It happened suddenly after this last virus. I thought it was my contacts and have changed them multiple times. I can't believe how OLD I feel. Young inside, but OLD in body. Older than most OLD people I imagine
I am kvetching about something everyday. I hope this gets better because this is no way to live. Eyes burning, straining, watering, bladder 'down there' burning, heart palpitations, mild akathesia, twitching, shaking episodes, full body burning, lack of sleep, feeling like you are going crazy on the edge of insanity, GI upset, weight loss, sympathetic overdrive and everything that comes with that..... feeling like time stands still and this is torturing you day after day.
Or, let's look on the bright side? The only bright side is the belief somewhere that there is a greater purpose in this. That this is happening for a reason but I do not yet know what that reason is...
Today I needed to vent. I needed to get this out. I was reading Jennifer Leigh's site about what she wished she could or would have done differently in withdrawal. One of statements is she wished she hadn't talked or focused so much on withdrawal. It is really hard when you are in it. But, as before, I think it's important to train your mind and your brain off of the symptoms. At the same time, it is very aggravating when people shut you down without listening to your symptoms at all. I have several friends whose only comment has been "this has been going on for sooooo long"... well, that will make you never call them again.
Feeling blue. Feeling down. Feeling edgy. Sorry-- I have to get back to the positive me, but this time of year is normally dark for me. I hate the winter. I hate the fall. I like the sunshine. Healing is happening, Healing is happening. Healing is happening. Each and every day. Each symptom is a layer of the onion peeling away and off, and healing. One by one. Leaving you, one by one until you are whole again.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.