I went to a meeting last night and synchronicities were abound. All the speakers seemed to share something about themselves that were really important for me to hear.
One man said the above when talking about a challenging situation that he normally would obsess about. He said, "pain will be there but whether I cause myself suffering or not is up to me". Another man shared that in early recovery, someone came up to him, looked him straight in the eye and said "You are afraid of AIR aren't you?" Meaning, early recovery IS scary. I know for us accidental addicts we may think we are different, but I do feel afraid of AIR lol. If I make the wrong move, have the wrong feeling, develop an attachment to something my suffering can be intense right now, All gas no breaks.
I loved the community and spiritual sharing that is happening in the group. I shared that I am nearing the end of my taper (not quite...4-6 mos if I take it slowly) and have been in an ok place, meditating daily for long periods of time. However, the other day I had an emotional conversation with my partner and took a left turn straight into resentment, fear, blame......the talk, or should I say the monologue went on for a good 3 hours after which I was so amped up, so toxic I couldn't sleep.
Reminders for benzo idiots like me!!!
Nothing overly emotional right now!
No big decisions
Tell your truth, and say it kindly
Obsessive looping thoughts are part of benzo withdrawal but they may have been part of you before the benzos---take a step BACK. WAY BACK.
Accept love and caring. Keep it simple.
I am reminding myself of this and continually forget moderation and balance in this process. Today I feel like I am coming down with a cold or cough..... My body feels weak and tired. I don't want to get slammed with withdrawal as I did before. But if I do, I do.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.