Today I woke up in a jumble.
I felt drugged and confused. Completely incapable of completing any task.
I went to my computer to start to write. I figure it will clear this jumble in my mind and push me to do the next thing I'm supposed to do.
I have a doctor's appointment about an hour away. This commitment feels like too much to handle. I will be there, I'm just reporting on how I feel and marveling at how distant this behavior and thinking is from my "normal" self.
I have to call the bank.
I have to find my wifi password.
I have to take out my garbage.
I have to take a shower.
I have to dust my room.
All of this feels like too much.
I feel weighted down today by an elephant on my chest.
With this I also have prickling needles covering my nerves all over.
I want to go back to sleep.
I want to stay asleep.
I want to wake up when this is over.
Writing helps the looping in my mind. I apologize if it's monotonous. If it's banal. This writing is for me and no one else. It's just an online journal to help me heal. To help vomit out the poison in my mind and to stay connected with others that may be thinking, feeling, experiencing similar things to me.
Things I will be doing to help myself today:
Taking a shower
Going on a walk by the beach
Eating regularly and drinking a lot of water
That's all folks. Take care of your body,mind today in the best way you know how.
By the way, I recently heard a story of a doctor (a psychiatrist no less) who ended up in an assisted living facility due to sickness and supposedly alcohol. He had told a friend he was unable to participate in any kind of group therapy. When my friend told me about this man who he had grown up with I said there has got to be more to this story. There have to be pills involved. Well, it turns out I'm right--benzos, benzos, benzos.
How does a doctor, lawyer,therapist, mother, father, construction worker, cop, coach, writer etc etc end up homeless or on the streets?
PILLS PILLS PILLS
The silent deadly epidemic.
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.