In TERROR BLIND TERROR
I literally don't know what to do or where to go from here. I started gabapentin but when I felt well yesterday I decided to nix it. Wrong. Was up all night. Took 2 at 4am. I am in deep shit. I am in blind terror today.... just closing my eyes and feeling it. I really don't want this to be a scary or negative blog but I don't know where I am headed. The terror brings me to my knees in pain--chest pain, shock pain. How was it yesterday I felt NORMAL. I know the guys in recovery say stop focusing on your symptoms but these are not symptoms anyone could ignore. I can't even barely talk or think. I can write but god knows what the hell I am writing. Someone who has been through this, please tell me this is normal. There isn't something else going on. I talk with Bliss on Tuesday. I have a new doctors appt tomorrow, I am so appalled that I am here. Yes, how did I get here. I can no longer do much for myself at least not today... Please god give me relief. Calling out to anyone that has any ideas, any miracles, and magicians. Time is the healer. But I don't know how to continue through this from here. Maybe I cannot get off this drug. Maybe this is the new unfortunate me? I pray not. Holding for dear life at 1 mg. I am willing to updose if need be but the cycle will be endless and I keep pushing through to no avail Yesterdays window gave me hope. Holding and gripping for dear life. Sorry to bum anyone out with this blog. It's unfortunate when I feel well I can use my tools but when I feel this way I just literally feel gripped in a terror that is something indescribable. Something so deep and it stays with me all day long..all day. God heal me please and all others that are walking this path...... let's find a way together. People say stay away from other meds but I have got to get off this medication some how some way. I hope this doctor tomorrow has another answer for me. PLEASE
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.