I am about 25 days post jump.
I haven't come on here lately as I didn't want to even count the days I have been off this poison for fear of manifesting symptoms.
Well, here I am.
It's been a long long journey. I am far far far from healed but I did it.
Now I have two other medications to tackle: gabapentin and remeron.
For right now, sadly these are the medications that are keeping me upright and not in a hospital.
We lost an amazing man in the benzo community. In fact, he was the one who encouraged and convinced me to finally take the leap ( I was down to .03 valium taking a speck of dust in my mouth every evening for fear of what could happen).
He helped so many. He inspired others and helped everyone he could a long the way on his horrific journey. I didn't expect his suicide (let's call it what it is--it is murder by Big Pharma) nor did I expect the impact it would have on me. I think about him often, though I didn't know him that well. He was one of the people I felt comfortable in my benzo circle chatting with, sharing our experience, strength and hope together. He will be very very missed.
He died, as far as I know, as a result of extreme akathisia that hadn't gotten any better. There may have been other reasons, I really don't know. I believe he would have healed if he had held on. But he couldn't and I respect his decision either way. Bottom line, we lost a warrior and an angel.
Anyway, that's the good, the bad and the ugly here.
Some of my post jump symptoms (similar to the ones prior to jump):
insomnia (5am I finally konk out)
chest pain that is debilitating at times
akathisia (my primary symptom masked by gabapentin)
basically a massive unwell feeling like I have the flu
Feel like I am walking through molasses mixed with a feeling of being on meth
electricity all over
head pressure beyond beyond it's scary
Fast heart rate
low blood pressure
rectal spasms and bladder pain
oh so much more.....
The things that don't bother me:
depersonalization and derealization
What else can I say?
Sorry to symptom talk but I thought someone might like to know. I'm sure I am missing something.
Hang on folks...
I still have a hard time seeing healing bc I am so kindled but I have no choice to put one foot in front of the other, hoping, praying that I can heal and find relief.
I hope that for that relief and peace for anyone reading this as well.
I am still unable to work, or take care of my family or do much of anything. I force myself on small walks daily as much as I can though they can be overstimulating to my CNS I do it anyway. I eat super clean and healthy, no dairy, or gluten and lots of fresh vegetables and fruits or green juices. I am on limited supplements: whole food vitamin C and elderberry, some magnesium chloride foot soaks and digestive enzymes and that is about all I am able to tolerate and risk at the moment. I am trying to "eat my nutrients" and who knows how the hell that is going....
That's my story for right now. I am wishing everyone a ton of healing energy!! Let's do this and make sure this never happens to anyone again!!!
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.