Benzo breakthrough
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Resources
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Resources

Gaslit

4/20/2018

0 Comments

 
My last week has been consumed by akathisia and terror.
After two relentless days of terror and acid covering my nerves, running to the bathroom ten times, I am SPENT.
Two days of terror were followed by a day of depression and flu like feelings and nausea. 
Isn't it sad when THAT becomes a GOOD day?
I can fight through fatigue but I can't fight through terror.
Today I have a little bit of both, but what I struggle with so intensely is the ability to DO anything.
I can't even get to the bank.
I did go to an appointment today to help clear my cyst ridden skin---another lovely side effect of withdrawal or chronic stress response. 
I am really scared.
As much as people report they are healing blah blah I want to know how this level of damage heals. It's painful physically.
So, in my effort to get more support I stupidly went to a local neurologist as one of the specialists here asked me to do.
We sat there in his office going around and around and around.
" If I had a gun to my head, I'd say your problems are psychological"
"Gabapentin is like an aspirin--it's nothing! "
" I have never seen this before"
" I don't believe you"
" Life is not about suffering, I really hope you feel better"
"I'm not closed minded, I'm objective"
"Your problems are psychosomatic"
If only I could transport these doctors inside my body for five minutes.
My head pressure is so bad it feels dangerous.
My insides are sizzling.
But.... it's in my head.
Where do we turn with responses like these?
I am battling so much pain but I smile through it--why? how? I don't know but I try to ACT AS IF.
I feel like giving up right now but I know I have to keep going and get to the other side.
​


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others.  This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.

    Archives

    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016

    Categories

    All
    AKATHISIA
    Beauty
    BENZO BUDDIES
    Benzo Withdrawal
    DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL
    Death
    Distraction
    Dopamine Rush
    EXERCISE
    FAMILY
    FUN
    GRATITUDE
    HEALING
    HELP
    Isolation
    Kundalini Awakening
    LAUGHTER
    Life
    LONELINESS
    Neural Retraining
    NUTRITION
    Parenting
    Positivity
    Recovery
    Relationships
    RETRAINING THE BRAIN
    TRAUMA
    Travel

    RSS Feed