Gaslit

My last week has been consumed by akathisia and terror.
After two relentless days of terror and acid covering my nerves, running to the bathroom ten times, I am SPENT.
Two days of terror were followed by a day of depression and flu like feelings and nausea. 
Isn't it sad when THAT becomes a GOOD day?
I can fight through fatigue but I can't fight through terror.
Today I have a little bit of both, but what I struggle with so intensely is the ability to DO anything.
I can't even get to the bank.
I did go to an appointment today to help clear my cyst ridden skin---another lovely side effect of withdrawal or chronic stress response. 
I am really scared.
As much as people report they are healing blah blah I want to know how this level of damage heals. It's painful physically.
So, in my effort to get more support I stupidly went to a local neurologist as one of the specialists here asked me to do.
We sat there in his office going around and around and around.
" If I had a gun to my head, I'd say your problems are psychological"
"Gabapentin is like an aspirin--it's nothing! "
" I have never seen this before"
" I don't believe you"
" Life is not about suffering, I really hope you feel better"
"I'm not closed minded, I'm objective"
"Your problems are psychosomatic"
If only I could transport these doctors inside my body for five minutes.
My head pressure is so bad it feels dangerous.
My insides are sizzling.
But.... it's in my head.
Where do we turn with responses like these?
I am battling so much pain but I smile through it--why? how? I don't know but I try to ACT AS IF.
I feel like giving up right now but I know I have to keep going and get to the other side.
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