Financial FEAR/TERROR

How can it be that I live in a country where I paid 30 grand in taxes last year but fucked myself out of disability because I work for myself? I am scouring Craig's Lists looking for things to do from home. But I am not well enough even to do those things. Any ideas? I am going to ask around. On days I can think I can do something from home but there are other days I cannot. I cannot sit still, how am I supposed to think? I am not sure what we will do as a family. We have no family resources, we have some limited savings. I was counting on SOMETHING through disability or unemployment but NOPE. nothing. Let the universe take care of me and figure out what the hell to do next........ come on already...