Dreams

I had a wonderful dream last night. 
I prayed to god. I asked for a sign again in my dream before I went to sleep.
I asked if god, angels or whomever were with me right now. If this was in fact a path I am supposed to be on. Because I am just stunned I am here.
I prayed in my dream and when I said show me a sign I looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star. Fireworks came down into my back yard! I was pain free in my dream. I was ready to go bike riding. I looked good. Healthy. Like I did right after I had my first son.

I did some RESEARCH (ugh so tired of it) and it seems that it is my brain trying to RAISE dopamine. All the seeking, looking, and looking again.

Today I start my day writing (better than doing this at night ) and make a gratitude list:

healthy, happy children
On the path I am destined to be on
Roof over my head
Food in the fridge
Love in my life (even if I can't feel it right now at all)
a glimmer of hope
beauty in life
the new natural hair dye I bought for 8 dollars 
getting the energy to paint my nails
determination to get better no matter what
The will to live despite feeling very very tired in this fight
a gratitude practice starting TODAY. 
Getting off my phone and today I will try to stay off my computer as well
Comedy (although I haven't felt up to watching it, I know it's there)

​What are you grateful for today? Let's up our dopamine stores!