I know this sounds dramatic, Many people go through benzo withdrawal and don't experience any powerful depressive or anxious or uncomfortable physical sensations. But many of us do.. I think there will be more and more spoken and written about benzos and the damage they cause. How is it that doctors don't know this? Why is it that an acupuncturist actually said to me, "Don't worry, you need to sleep, just take these you aren't an addict". Why did I listen. My nervous system was in shock from a steroid shot and I was vulnerable. Tried to keep things going in my life, my business. I am at that point where I am comfortable letting EVERYTHING go. I just haven't pulled the trigger yet. Today felt brutal. It's hard to feel like you are being burned alive all day coupled with depressive thoughts and fatigue and back pain and bladder pain. I did good things. I went to work. I walked. I curled up in a ball. I meditated. I prayed to angels and the cosmos--please please please... make this go away or show me the way out.
I normally have a great sense of humor. I love to laugh. I love comedy. But this shit is pulling me down into darkness. Maybe I have to go so deep into it to come out victorious -bright, alive, happy....
Right now I am not even half way through my taper. I am on 3mg of valium from being 'stable' on 5mg (though once I cold turkeyed I was never really stable). I have to be a mental ninja and stay in neutral. No distractions. Just get up and do your day. I am using the daily liquid micro taper to go down gently. I might slow down the taper but I think this is so brutal, what's the point. Today is a hard day. I am venting but I am still living, Going to go do some amygdala retraining and report back the results. My posts will be looking very different once I engage in that program as the premise is you can't talk, think about symptoms. I know it's very hard as many of us become obsessed with our tapers, and obsessed with our symptoms. Just focus your attention elsewhere, anywhere--on your dog, son, work, tv, the trees, the summer breeze, the ocean....
We need meetings where many of us can connect and share our stories.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.