I just had a consult with Bliss Johns or Baylissa Frederick, the famed benzo angel who wrote Recovery and Renewal and several other books. I am sure everyone knows who she is and she said she has counseled over 8000 people in benzo withdrawal and noone has died and everyone has recovered! Hallelujah. It's hard not to try to write the end of the story.
After kindling and shocking my system and having protracted symptoms last year (before I had any idea what was happening to me) I am so so scared of what will come.
Today has been a good day though I am operating on little sleep. I alternate between overly fatigued to amped and back and forth again and again. These mood and energy shifts are common and definitely not who I was prior to this situation. I am going with it and today I did not check benzo buddies site at all! Victory to me! I actually went to a doctor recently who wrote on his prescription pad "Benzo Buddies is NOT YOUR BUDDY".
It was kind of funny. Now look, it's been a life line and I have talked to some fantastic people on there and there is nothing like talking with someone who totally GETS IT.
You cannot get this if you haven't experienced it, sorry. You can empathize, you can be a good friend, but you can only understand if you have experienced benzo terror or the mother of all symptoms AKATHESIA. Bliss had a rough go of it, and she has committed herself and her life to help the lives of others. She is a true angel walking this path shining a light for others. She has a wonderfully soothing voice and is a reassuring person with good common sense. I will be setting up some further calls with her.
In the meantime, we cannot predict what the outcome will be. Today, it's like this and it's a pretty good day. My family is out of town and I only have to look after myself. I hate to admit that I like my family being away. It feels so much to juggle the daily tasks of life with this sort of physical unpredictability. But I feel good today. I am meditating each day, laughing with my 15 minutes of comedy, staying away from forums for now, and staying away from the rabbit hole of chasing other diagnoses and other symptoms. I have discomfort trust me, But right now it's manageable, and who doesn't experience physical discomfort?
We will see what happens as I truck downward. I am using Gupta's STOP STOP STOP to stop myself from telling myself scary stories. I am REALLY good at making up dramatic scary stories in my head of complete and total life ruin. Bottom line is, have faith, all will come together in time. The body and brain heals. Keep remembering that this isn't YOU, this is your brain in withdrawal.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.