Being a part of life
It feels strange how quickly I left the world. I don't talk to many people (besides my benzo friends), I no longer work, I can't do play dates or shopping or driving to the movies. Am I just putting blocks up? Should I keep pushing? I try and walk outside each day. I feel very little pleasure or joy. I don't want to scare anyone reading this. I can't seem to force myself to do things as I normally do. I am a dooer. A go-getter. I am not a homebound person in any way, shape or form. But the fatigue has washed over me this last week. Maybe that means I am 'stabilizing" as it is a welcome feeling compared to the akathesia. But it's still not me. It's still a medicated coat over a deep wound. Akathesia. I still have this last 1mg to get off of. How in the world am I going to do it?
The thought of re-entering the hell from four weeks ago seems unimaginable.
I am going to attach some funny posts regarding akathesia from a writer named Jay Lamb. Now, let me make something clear. There is nothing,I mean NOTHING funny about akathesia. It's a medical emergency. It's life or fucking death. It would bring the strongest of us to our knees--and quick.
So just wanted to make that clear.
Bliss Johns said to me today " It goes away, it will, it's normal"
I wish I could fly to her home and just park myself at her doorstep for the next year.
We need a place that is just like that. Filled with Bliss John's clones, kind and effective doctors and nurses, healers and bodyworkers, professional cuddlers and community that allow people in benzo withdrawal to heal without shaming them, diagnosing them ( I was told I looked psychiatric just a couple of weeks ago while in terror/agony and akathesia and last year as well making me all the more confused as to what was happening to me---now I have a name AKATHESIA)... I wish I had understood some or all of this a year ago. Yes, I have learned so much, but at what a cost. It's cost me everything. Everything.
Attachment to follow.
Stay safe everyone. Peace.
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Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.