The trick in benzo withdrawal is staying calm and neutral at all costs. And yet, how to do this when the body is failing you, when there are bills to pay, kids that need you, demands, suspicions from friends who are in disbelief that this could be THAT bad.
It is that bad. And worse.
I am living in a sublet at the moment but I still come back to my home to see my children.
I want desperately to be away. To wake up to stillness. Quiet. Rest.
But when I close my eyes at night I see my children's little faces. Smiling, Innocent, Needing Mommy so badly.
So I drive back an hour to see them, but the chaos of little boys instantly sends my body into shock.
And even worse, I have to face my failing marriage.
I flew into a rage yesterday over money--or lack of it and a disagreement with my husband.
Normally I can stay calm. Poised. Mature. But some repetitive fights and the mounting financial pressure we are under just got to me.
I told my initial prescriber that he had NO clue what he has done to my family and I meant it.
I have been financially independent for years. An equal breadwinner in the family. We relied on my income for comforts, for living. More so than I thought.
The fact that I was denied for disability just makes me want to sink further into despair. I am stressed. Money is a stressor and I am worried.
I grew up poor and worked my way through college and graduate school. I built a successful business and had finally "made it" until this happened and my health collapsed.
I am so angry. So bitter.
And yet, they say that anger is the poison YOU swallow and expect the other person to die.
It's just not worth it. Especially not now.
Choose your words and your battles wisely now.
We need support, love and kindness. Benzo rage is real and frightening. It feels like a possession.
One day at a time.....
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.