A turn around

Today was a bit of a turn around. Ups and downs. I woke up UP. While that was a relief to the catatonic feeling I had yesterday, it usually means that this up energy keeps going UP UP UP into terror and akathesia. I put it to work. I cleaned. I paced. I went to yoga. I went to yoga for the first time in about a year. I just told myself GO, you can always leave the class if you don't want to be there. I feel sad going into a studio that brought me so much happiness because I feel my body has been invaded by body snatchers. But I went. AND I got my nails done. Although I was antsy and uncomfortable I did it. And I felt better for it. I have been researching brain foods that can help without having to take supplements. I joined a fb support group. It made me sad to read the stories on there. And scared of course about what lies ahead. Everyone on BB says just get off the 1mg as soon as possible, while others say, hold hold hold, then taper. I was given instruction to up my neurontin because this instability is a sign that my body needs more. Ugh. Reluctant. Can't I heal through food, or binaural beats or biofeedback or a fucking magic fairy wand? Where is that wand. We all need some fairy dust sprinkled on us. Taking it ONE MOMENT AT A TIME. I am not thinking about my career, money, stress, what lies ahead on this path. Just. One. Step. At. A. Time. One foot in front of the other. Literally. All fucking day. It's called Akathesia. Ugh.
That's all we can do.