1am, 2am, 3am

Ok this is getting real. Yesterday was brutally hard. I went on a walk in the morning. But the terror, and I mean terror was with me for no reason. I broke down at 3pm and took a neurontin. My chest was in literally agony, I couldn't breathe.
Yesterday I was ok. Window, wave, window, wave and on and on. This isn't made up folks. I am scared. I tried to meditate and will go back to it after this. It's 4am. That is not a good hour. Sleep is everything. I wonder and ruminate about what this is doing to my body, will I survive this and be here for my children, YES YES YES. Someone once said to me, what you don't understand is that everything is possible in connection to the divine. Everything. Please let it be so.
I am praying out loud here to help get me through this. I hope I never have to see this post again, never have to relive what this is like. I am healing. I am healing. Despite the fact that my life is crumbling, I am getting an upgrade, somehow some way.
I don't know the how and when but I believe it. I am healing each and every day.
I need to be a mental warrior right now. Anyone that has gone through this, and is sensitive to these medications knows what I am talking about. I don't believe my taper helped me. I really don't. Maybe I am hitting a stumbling block. I was functional until recently. I am resistant to take other medications but I don't think it helps to suffer needlessly either. It is harder on the body too. The body is resilient. It heals, new cells grow, change and heal. Believe that. Your body is healing as it's trying to rid itself of these poisons. Believe it. Whatever underlying thing has happened I cannot figure it out now. Just lay your head down and tell yourself it will be ok. It has to.