I had a small window today. Boy, it came just in time. I had to take neurontin 3x yesterday to manage my pain. The main symptoms are unbearable prickling, burning, throat burning, terror, akathesia and inner restlessness, GI problems and the rest. Boring, I know but just checking in. I listened to Joe Dispenza again who reminded me to take the focus off my symptoms, do something different, help the brain learn something different---every day. Whether that means taking a shower, getting dressed, sitting in your garden if you have one.... I went on a walk. It was nice. I was tired. I wasn't myself but I did it. Prickling is back. I haven't taken any new meds. I am being a resistant patient. My doctor warned me yesterday that by not taking the neurontin I am at risk for some kind of RSD because the brain learns a pattern it cannot unlearn. I get that. So I know many people are anti meds but he felt more kindling happens when you DON'T treat the pain. Different perspective. Honestly the pain was THAT BAD yesterday and the day before I considered the hospital. I was literally writhing in pain. This is so weird. I have another appointment on Monday and he will check all of my immunological issues. I know I should write about something more interesting. I needed this window SO badly today. It gave me a glimpse of me. Yes, I was burning and prickly and seriously shell shocked. But I walked, A wonderful friend did my hair and now I am going to hit the sack.... always the most challenging part of the evening.
This experience has brought me farther from some friends and colleagues but also much much closer with others. Closer to the point where they feel like family. For that I am grateful. And for my partner. He has been an amazing rock, despite our differences, he has been a ROCK. A true hero in this fight too. Kiss, hug, cherish your partners. I am very self involved when in so much physical pain. I cannot think straight. I cannot think about anything except my own body that I am fighting a war with. I choose to manifest something different today. I was posting on the boards like a freaking lunatic but today I made a commitment to stop. When I feel better it isn't that hard. But we have to train our bodies AWAY from the obsession with them and our symptoms. Reading stores, sharing symptoms helps until it harms. Very hard to put into practice when I felt I was in acute. Let's see how this week goes. If I can gain some ground or need to add a new medication. I commit to trying to stretch and meditate tomorrow. Remind my body of who it is and what it used to be capable of doing. I was always a fit, active girl... now its just been survival. Every day is closer to healing. I am honestly NOT so sure I am healing while on the medication, in fact I don' think I am despite what people say online. But... I am one step closer and I need to get there.....
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.