Sorry, but I am about to be a debbie downer. I know that isn't the intention of this blog. noone needs another sob story, benzo blah blah on the internet. But I have to keep it real. Feeling pretty pretty damn low. What can I do to raise my vibration and raise my mood. I feel like the one thing that was bringing me sanity-which was exercise and walking/hiking has now been taken away for an indefinite amount of time as I am forced to lay low and recuperate from this sickness. It's hard and I feel ansy. I feel amped from my breathing medications and wondering if I am going to be ok. Doom and gloom is back. Alone with my own presence and my own thoughts. I listened to some benzo you tube videos and checked in on BB and Bliss John's fb site. One thing that was interesting was one woman who was in hell with withdrawal who went to a center at about 5 or so mos off and felt it was a turning point because it forced structure onto her life. She was forced to wake up., shower, attend meetings etc and be in the company of others. Again, in acute this isn't possible because some people cannot even sit still. But once passed acute this was the turning point. Change your thoughts, feelings and behaviors and the brain will follow. I am meditating close to two hours per day. I learned a technique which was when the monkey mind and mental chatter comes up, say in/out and count 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10, then back again. It helps to control the mental merry go round.
I just feel so torn, so much confusion. I want to make a definitive decision about certain things in my life, but I just listened to a new age talk on confusion and the message was this---- distract yourself from the problem at hand, even if it's multiple problems. Distract and get your attention elsewhere. Confusion is a temporary state no matter what. So, it's just a matter of time until the issue gets resolved somehow some way. Now of course, we need to take action at times, but at this time, where I am at right now, in the thick of tapering, in the thick of an illness, it isn't really the time to act. Is it? See, I am confused!!!!! It is actually uncharacteristic for me, but we are talking major life issues like my job, my marriage, basically all of what is important in my life.
Pulling myself out of this deep dark funk, I feel I am sinking low. I know I need to get away from BB, get away from reading scary stories, get away from social media and endless scrolling, scrolling, Continue to self care and trust the right people, the right solutions will appear at the right moment in time. Whether I like it or not, I am exactly where I need to be. And let me add, I fucking don't like it.
Someone who found themselves accidentally dependent and suffered an iatrogenic injury from medications that were prescribed. Sharing experience, strength and hope with others. This is written as a person on this winding path and NOT as a professional. Please contact a licensed professional for any medical/psychological care or advice. This is NOT a substitute for medical or psychological care. What is written here reflects my own personal experience ONLY.